i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
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I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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