Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize