This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize