Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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