I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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