a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize