You're so nebulous sometimes
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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