just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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