I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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