if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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