Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Randomize
Follow @tfln