the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize