Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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