At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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