The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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