found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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