Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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