he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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