well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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