Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize