Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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