Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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