If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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