My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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