I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
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Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize