i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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