Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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