Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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