shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
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they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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