There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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