if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize