Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
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Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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