I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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