she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
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Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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