I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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