Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
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He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
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He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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