I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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