not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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