I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize