Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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