from now on my penis is your penis
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
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