He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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