Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize