I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you inspire me to be a worse person
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize