Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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