This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize