He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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