i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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