a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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