And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
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I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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